Tomorrow we say goodbye

Tomorrow I will wake up at 3 am and begin my journey back home, to the island.

Funny, I have never lived on Martha's Vineyard but it is home to me more than the area in which I grew up. It is where my family is, where my roots are and until recently, where I felt most at home.

Now adays, I found a deeper home in the arms of my husband. I know this is where I belong when I see the smile on my children's face, hear the giggle in my daughter's belly laugh, the victory in my son's eyes and the confidence in my teenager's spoken words...........

But for tomorrow, I wake up before the sun and travel eastward.

to another world.

to a place where the seagulls call my name and the wind breathes reassurance of those who have died on without me. . . to the ferry that carries us over the water. . . to the island that beats with all of our hearts. . . with the clouds that float over carrying memories of the past. . . to the sand that knows I am returning.


Anyone with lineage to Martha's Vineyard knows the call that I speak of. The drawing of the island that is almost spiritual.

and we all go there to say goodbye to one of our fallen.

Joseph.

Who, in some of my thoughts is just the embodiment of all of us related to him that have struggled with depression, suicide and just plain being different. It comes with our name, it comes with our heritage. We are an extremely creative people, at times emotionally volitile, eccentric, deeply feeling, driven group.

Some have been brillant, others insane. Imagine if you would the english in our veins at war with the driven, passionate, rebellious, oh so very strong spirited, irish blood.

The irish and english should never have interbred. The result of such is my own self portrait. I am simply a gypsy trying to be a noble Lady.

Lady Jane.

Goodbye sweet Joseph, rest well, cousin of mine whose birthday was so close to mine, whose demise so near my own.

There are moments when I think you so incredibably brave. So weak was I in times of aching to depart this tormentive life. And yet, so much more worthy your young, sweet life than the one I try to pretend to live.

Thinking of you draws me so close to that line of insanity that I dare not tread too deep. My grief is deep and the guilt I feel for not knowing you were that tormented... for not reaching out even one time.

I knew when I looked in to your eyes that your face smiled but not your heart. I just didn't know how bad it was. Please look down upon me with forgiveness.

When I go to work and listen to the pain of the teenagers, I will dedicate this part of my life to you; I will listen to their heart and not second guess what I see in their eyes. I will not be fooled by their smile, their compassion and their sweet jokes.

for this my dear cousin, is a lesson that I have learned the hard way.

rest sweet joe, rest in sweet peace, free from the torment of this world, free from the torment of this flesh.

lovingly,
janie

Joseph Jay Kelly
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