Joseph

When I came home from work last night, my husband asked me to sit down at the table. He told me that he had received a phone call from my mother. . . . .


I was then compelled to walk downstairs to check on my 17 year old son Jason. We live in a raised ranch and his domain is on the first level. As I walked down the dark hall, I used my hand to feel the wall for his door opening. I didn't want to wake him, I just wanted to hear his breathing.

When I heard his breathing, that wasn't enough for me. I spoke, "Jason, are you awake?"

"yes" he said. "did you hear about Joseph?"

"yes" I said very quietly. "are you ok?"

"well, yeah but not really. I haven't seen him in a while. You know that they thought he might be gay?"

"yes, they said that before but you know Jason, that may not be true". I said "there are many people who are gay and they don't do this."

"his brother deals crack"

"Jason, we don't know if that is true either." I said "you just never know".

"well, I do know that the family is pretty messed up. His brother was really mean to him and he is a little bit whacked"

"Jason, you know that I love you very very much, right? You know that even when your dad and I divorced and through it all that you were always wanted and always loved, right?"

"yes mom" grumbled my teenager

"you've never had those thoughts?" I asked

"no mom, stop being such a social worker, I am tired." he said

"ok, I'll let you sleep, but just know how much I have always loved you and will always love you no matter what you do in life." I wanted to cry.


When I came back upstairs, I spoke lovingly into my 5 year olds ears, kissed him and asked God to cover his life.

I then cuddled in bed with my 2 year old, holding her closer than normal.

If only love could protect them.

You see, I just found out that my 21 year old cousin had taken his own life. His mother found him hanging in his room. They are still waiting for the autopsy as some believe that it may not have been a suicide.

I find it somewhat ironic in a sadistic way that I feel called by God to work with mentally disturbed youth, that as I came home from working in a teenage psychiatric hospital, my very own cousin had taken his life.

Oh sweet Joseph, may you find rest in your creators embrace, peace in the after life and freedom from the torment that drove you to end it at such a young age.

praying for the healing of my aunt Darlene and everyone else that was touched by Joseph's life and asking for you all to pray as well.

-jane